January 21, 2007

a composition of surrealistic moments.


I write this tonight at 12:26 am. Early in the evening, by Amsterdam standards. I will be blunt and honest in this chronicle tonight. I aim for this state often, but I feel sometimes unable to do that. But here's the free-wheelingsness of my pen-like finger tips.

The sounds of the Arctic. The creaking of ice flowing slowly over a solid watery solemn state. A windswept plain. These sounds fill the void between earth and sky. They are given to an area with no one to receive them. Yet, to those who can catch them, they are a rhythmic melody that is unmistakable.

The reason I pen these is not quite clear to me. I remember hearing these sounds in the winters of my youth. As I grew up on the lake I would listen to these surrealistic tones. Tones that would flash for a brief second. As wind blows over the frozen expanse it causes movement and shifting. Ever heard it? Its beautiful. "A life of Arctic sounds" is an album by Modest Mouse and I always associate its title with this peaceful melody from my childhood...and this utterance equals peace to me.

Yet, there are so many times when I do not posses that most glorious of feelings. I despise "awkward" feelings. I know that no one can give you a feeling. They belong to the bearer. They are purely a response to external stimulation. They are a constructed response. I know that I am not alone. I know that all who read this can relate. Its funny how much I experience this. I feel that I need to write about this tonight. I feel it in crowds of people I know. People that know me. Why does this response come? I would not say it is anxiety. It causes people to "fidget"..."zone out"...I am sure that every one handles it differently. But where is the root? This is the question. There are bits of self-consciousness interwoven in it. Who isn't a bit self-conscious, if they are truly honest. I even venture to say that I am not overly self-conscious, just aware of..."me."

So, it is these sorts of events that cause me to dwell on the idea of surrealism them. They are swirls of reality. When people feel awkward they begin to mix the present events with a myriad of events going on in the world of there minds. What do you think about? What rolllllssss through your mind in an awkward moment?

Well...To those of you who really know me, you will know that my mind runs a mile a minute. Its incredible to even me how many random thought processes are going on in my mind at any given moment. But, all this is the process of maturity in my mind. Harnessing this God-given world within the box atop my shoulders. The work of refinement and coming into a Christ-likeness in all areas of life. Jesus was able to think, feel and express all feelings and emotions. He processed them out, scripture shows it; this is my belief. Anyway...

That's me...its now 1 am so I better go. in Him...Will
Posted by willstacken at 01:05:18 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

January 18, 2007

Chronicles of a Nomad


Hey Dudes.

2007 has begun and it has been an amazing journey thus far, "I can scarce take it in." I have moved out of my apartment in the Oude West of Amsterdam. I am sad to leave that property. I enjoyed living there and the whole neighborhood, which was very Turkish actually. Many a night I heard cars pull up to the stop light, blaring rap music in Arabic. I enjoyed living there with Sam the Scotsman. What can you do...Now I am reduced to the wandering of a Nomad, of sorts. I am living in an apartment owned by YWAM for 3 weeks. Its atop of one of YWAM's buildings. Its a beautiful place. Its got hard wood floors and exposed beams lifting high the white ceiling. Its so beautiful. It over looks the area I work in, the Red Light District. The apartment will then house the leader of the prayer ministry, Marietha. So, I a blessed to call this place home for a few weeks. After that, some friends of mine are going home to Brazil for 2 months and needed someone to house-sit there apartment for the time...I was very pleased to help them! Housing in the center of Amsterdam can sometimes be hard to obtain, but doors can and do open often. So, I am in the process of searching for that.

Ministry life has been going amazing. There is one guy that a team of us doing some discipleship stuff with. We have had countless meetings with him, gone to his house to pray, helped him get involved with teachings and churches that will aid him in his journey of recovery. Its been really encouraging. However, in this walk with him I have been learning so much about how people function and relate. Man, what I do is such precious and fragile work. Sometimes it hits me, I am trying teach and impact people in ways that will lead to a changed and purposeful lifestyle. I am seeking to meet people who society has said cannot change and not worth the time it would take. These people are just as much Gods creation as you or I! They are the victims of there own choices. They are the Prodigals who have run from home. People have abused them in countless ways, and they have in turn treated others accordingly.

Its a call to perseverance love that I must answer. I need to walk with them one day at a time. Its Gods work of change that must happen. He is the one who changes hearts. Not me. I am called to love them and daily be a witness of who God is. To show that He is unchanging, yet constantly revealing new sides and characteristics of Himself. Yet, He always flows in the same pattern. His heart never changes, it is always loving. It is that love that I have seen change lives.

A good friend of mine just went down to Zuid Afrika (South Africa) for a one month long trip. So I will miss him here. Hes a Dutch guy, with a very Dutch sense of humor. Hm...What else. There is a team of students here from Bethel University. This is the rival college of Northwestern, where I graduated from. They have been a blessing here. They are studying a bit of Amsterdam works and functions. Its to hear a Minnesota accent on English again.

So that's me. I am always open to questions and hope to hear from anyone who takes the time to read this "stuff" that comes from my head and heart...Seeya....Will (willstacken@gmail.com)
 
Posted by willstacken at 12:03:35 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

January 01, 2007

a new years story.

Fresh Day...Fresh Year.
 
I woke up this morning after a rather nice New Years Eve. I was able to go with a friend to his Moms house for dinner. This was another nice Dutch experience. I enjoy these whenever I get to have them! From there I went to work in the Cleft until 1:30. This was an interesting night though. We had a man come in who I had never seen around the area. He was a bit "peppy" (for lack of a better term.) He had obviously recently smoked stimulant like Cocaine/Crack. This is a common sight in the District, however; it never ceases to break my heart and I utterly refuse to let it become "normal." Anyway. He was able to focus and hold conversation. He told me his name and that he came from Suriname. He was a bit paranoid and his thoughts were jumbled and quick. However, what told me is that he came from a local church here in Amsterdam that also has its own rehab center for chemical addicts. He said he was in there program for something like 8 months and then actually work in the program for 6 months doing prayer ministry. I have heard stories similar to his. He was familiar with the Scriptures, and could quote some to me. Yet, he seemed powerless to interpret them to his present state or understand them. It was frustrating to me in some ways...But I know that I need to harness those feelings and put them in perspective. He felt welcomed and drawn to us. Rightly so, he knows God and His love for sure. He knows the power of God. Yet, in some ways he doesn't acknowledge his present state of relapse and the way he has been mastered by drugs. He is a victim of his own choices and the misleading of others. This is for sure. His mind is clouded and not processing life's events. If feels offended that we would say his drugs are bad. Yet, I tell him, "You are not your drugs. You are a person that I love and God does unfathomably more. Your drugs are bad. You are not." I say one thing and he hears another. What does he actually hear? I don't know for sure. Through his clouded thoughts and mixed words I cant really interpret. I seek to express love to him that is strong and ready to take actions. I desire to aid in and work through all that he is dealing with. But, for now he is back on the street and I will look for him. Prayer, I am learning, is the only way he will be drawn back to God. He is Gods child and workmanship. This situation is rather heavy on my mind I guess...But it is definitely a prayer concern. It is a part of life here and its things I enjoy working through in my work.
 
The rest of the night was really good. I met up with a group of friends here in the city. We walked around for a while and enjoyed the amazing time that is New Years Eve in Amsterdam. I anticipate all that this new year will bring with it. Its potential is so very big. I can't even rap my head around it all, I guess! Take care everyone...In Him...Will
 
Posted by willstacken at 14:39:29 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |